Destined to Fall

I was angry at you. I slammed the door too hard. The bottle of rum fell from the top of the fridge. I reached to try and save it… like I felt that I had done so many times in the past few weeks…

                              reaching to save it.

To save that bottle of shitty rum. But I just couldn't get a solid hold. It slipped right through my fingers. Shattering to a hundred pieces. Leaving me, on my knees on the kitchen floor, with half of a broken bottle in my hands. A bottle that didn't want to be saved… a bottle that was destined to shatter, leaving me with a mess of sharp, painful pieces to clean up. Pieces that had sliced my hand, bloody, but that seemed so insignificant to the rest of the mess surrounding me.

On my knees, tears streaming down my face, unable to breathe. You ran to me, wrapped your arms around me and said, "What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

But you knew. You knew why I was crying. That bottle had sat perched on top of the wobbly fridge for months now… I saw it wobble, I knew this was coming, I had ignored it. But it was destined to fall, to shatter, to leave me crouched and crying over the mess it left.

The Close Call

Music. Bass. Lights. Twirling. I was in my favorite flowy shirt. It was beautiful.

I felt like I was in a dream. Like I was not in my body.

The room was crowded, hot, sweaty, happy.

I saw you early in the evening. Catching my eye with your flawless face.

It all was perfect. Your big smile with perfect teeth.

Frosty blue eyes that twinkled. A permanent sparkly twinkle.

Blonde long hair, pulled in a perfectly messy bun.

Chisled chin. And chest, that showed through your shirt.

You were a sight to behold.

Visual poetry.

After a while, you were in front of me, dancing. Suddenly you turned to me, tapped me on the shoulder. I leaned in to hear your velvety voice in my ear…

"I'm about to twirl you!"

Before I knew what happened, you had my hand and twirled me with ease. My hair, and my heart, spinning, weightless in the carefree motion. Then you pulled me to you with strength and confidence. Giving me that twinkly-eyed smile that made me weak in the knees. I started laughing uncontrollably. Happier than I had been in a long time.

In that one simple moment.

Such an effortless moment.

It was a close call, you.

I almost fell in love with you.

Even still, sometimes I wonder if I should have let myself.

Every Move We Never Made

It was a warm night with a cool breeze. My favorite.

I met you at that bar that I had frequented so many times in the past year.

I was in my favorite 501s and my "Neil Young" hat.
I remember how you kept looking at me... Round, blue eyes staring deep into mine. Mouth in a slight smile. Your buck teeth showing out from under your old fashioned western mustache.

There was something in the way you looked at me that made me feel so... light.

I said something silly, as I usually do. A breeze came through and swept my tangled, messy hair across my face. I turned to the breeze, closed my eyes, inhaled, exhaled, smiled.

A little scoff escapes your mouth. I turn to see you, with that slight smile on your face. I smile back, questioningly... Wondering what your scoff was about.

"What?" I say. 

"You're a goddess." 

I blush and turn my face back to the breeze.

I think I knew then that this was going nowhere.
But I still enjoyed every move we never made in no direction.

In The Soft Light

There's a ring on my windowsill.

A ring from that cup of hot chocolate we shared in my bed.
Your features illuminated by the soft, glowing string light.
How romantic everything seems under those string lights.

How the twinkle in your eyes seemed so sincere in the soft light.

How my heart seemed to beat so contentedly in the soft light.

How your promises seemed so genuine in the soft light.

That soft light, making the fact that you sat the mug down without a coaster seem like no big deal.

But then the morning broke and the glow from the lights was gone. And your promises were revealed in the day light for what they really were...
Fickle.
And that ring in my windowsill lingers. Like all of the promises you made but never kept.

It was all so much prettier in the soft light.

Soul Smile

I'm watching him work.

Whistling. Humming. Using his strong hands.
I feel so at peace.

His floppy hair falls around his concerned brow. His soft lips and crooked teeth circle around a cigarette as the sun gleams off his twinkly eyes, illuminating their waves of frosty blue, with just a bit of green.

Watching the sun light up the little brown freckles on his nose brings a smile to my face.

He's concentrating, building, creating.

I can see his gears turning.

And when he glimpses over at me, only to see that I'm already looking at him,

he smiles.

And my soul smiles with him.

Locked in Laughter

Feeling.

More like not feeling.

Numb, in the best way a human can be.

Walking down a trail, the sun setting. Casting harsh, beautiful shadows of the brush surrounding us. The sound of the birds’ wings cutting through the air. You, just in front of me. In your raggedy old cutoff jean shorts. I love those jean shorts. Toned calves, that simple mountain tattoo that circled your ankle. Your sweat-stained hat.

Deep thoughts. Sarcastic conversation.

I respond to something you said with a lame joke.

Without breaking your stride, you turn to me suddenly. Sun beams illuminating the dust kicked up by your feet. And in one fail swoop, your arm wraps around the small of my back, pulling me to you with a grin on your face and a passion in your arm. Your free hand wraps gently around the side of my jaw and the back of my neck. Pulling my face to yours in a kiss that was really more giggle than kiss, from both of us. Lips, locked in laughter. Locked in happiness.

I lived in that moment for a long time. The world slowed. The dust slowly settled to the ground. The light caught the edge of your smile as you pulled away. It was as if I was a spectator. Happily living in that moment, not sure if I was actually a part of it. Numb to the world around me.

Floating on the sound of your laugh.

And the way it harmonized with mine.

Perfect, Just Not Now

It was all fuzzy.

I was fuzzy.

But I remember seeing you, that part is not fuzzy.

Standing there, I was dizzily waiting for another drink in a place surrounded by people so unlike me.

I felt you looking at me. I could feel your presence when it entered the loud, crowded room.

I turned. There you were, standing in the doorway. The rest of the room disappeared. I knew that you were like me. I knew I had to talk to you. I turned back to the bar. Trying to figure how to approach you.

I felt your arm gently press against mine on the bar. I looked up and into your hazel eyes. Eyes that said so much before you even spoke. You smiled at me from underneath your thick, black mustache. I smiled back.

"Hi," you said.

All I could manage was a grin as I looked down at my empty drink.

We began talking and didn't stop until your friends found you and said it was time to leave.

I knew that wouldn't be the end of you.
And I was right.

I still wonder and wish.

Everything was right. So right. But the timing was so wrong.

And boy, no matter how hard I tried, we can't change the time.

It wasn't the end of you.

I'm not sure it will ever be the end of you.

I'll always wonder about the timing, wonder if I could have changed it.